Milwaukee Neanderthal Jokes

Published on delphiforums.com/americanangst; November 2011 to March 2012

#1; Q: Why did Harley Bikers go on living when the other Neanderthals became extinct?

A: The other guys got first choice.

#2; Q: What’s the politically correct way to kill a Neanderthal?

A: You chrome plate his dick then he’ll polish himself to death.

#3; Q: Why do the Neanderthals go to Sturgis?

A: Sturgis is a Native American word, meaning short straw.

#4; Q: Why are Neanderthals so dumb?
A: It's their way of protecting Milwaukee Cult Dealers from poverty.

(Xmas)#5[This joke is based on one that the Bucksburn butcher told me]; Q: There is a smart Neanderthal, an honest Politician and Santa Claus in a lift. On the floor there is a penny. Who picks it up?

A: Santa Claus of course, the other two don't exist.

#6; Q: Why are Milwaukee Cult Objects so bad?

A: So that Neanderthals will feel sorry for them and buy them.

#7; Q: Why do Milwaukee Cult Objects have so much chrome?

A: To match the shiny, happy Neanderthals who buy them.

#8; Q: What has The Milwaukee Cult ever done for Milwaukee?

A: They made the beer look like a quality product.

#9; Q: Does God really ride a Milwaukee Cult Object?

A: Only if you believe the Gospel according to AMA Rules.

#10; Q: Why do Neanderthals drive pick-up trucks?
A: You can't get a Milwaukee Cult Object in the trunk of a car.

#11; Q: How many Neanderthals does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Do you want it chopped or just plain wrecked?

#12; Q: What's the difference between a Neanderthal and a Lawyer?

A: They are both sub-human but the Lawyer makes money out of it.

#13; Q: How do you turn a neo-con into a Neanderthal?

A: Wait til the weekend.

#14; Q: What's the difference between a Shovelhead and a Slopehead?

A: Slopeheads get to vote.
#14b; Q: What's the difference between a Knucklehead and a Knuckle-scraper?
A: Knuckle-scrapers get to vote.

#15; Q: Why are there so many Neanderthals in jail?

A: It's the only place they're safe from Milwaukee Cult Dealers.

#16; Q: What's the difference between a Neanderthal and a Lawyer?

A: A Neanderthal can be jailed for theft.

#17; Q: How many Neanderthals does it take to hold an intelligent conversation?

A: It all depends on how heavy it is.

#18; Q: What’s the difference between a Neanderthal and a Banker?

A: A Neanderthal knows that it’s wrong to steal.

I can live with the death threats but that asshole Rushdie wanting me to share his apartment is too much.  I would like to thank my fans for their kind messages of support.

That’s all folks.

Louis Mair

March 2012

The Train from Asturística to The Wasteland

I walked into Candás, found the railway station and bought a (very cheap) ticket for the surrealist trains. To my surprise there were other people waiting on the platform. Did they get on the train and then become invisible from the perspective of an outside observer?

All the passenger trains that I had seen from the campsite were, or appeared to be, devoid of human life. Even the driver was hidden from view. Now as I prepared to board the train I could see people on board. With the twenty who accompanied me there were few empty seats.

As we rumbled and lurched into the first tunnel the air of anxiety was tangible. The lights flickered and thoughts of other dimensions came unsolicited. Would the train emerge from the tunnel as empty of human forms as I had seen so many other trains from the campsite? We lurched and rumbled back into sunlight with little sign of relief on the faces around me.

Then I saw the campsite; a tent, a motorcycle that I could relate to. I did not feel totally reassured.

Another tunnel; another flash of light, this time with industrial structures in the background. The industrial complex began to displace the green and blue of Asturística. The train would stop and people would get on; a few got off. The stations had names like: Oxidible and Destruido.

The railway became more and more a part of the industrial scenario. From the campsite I had seen trains carrying industrial ugliness to the east and empty flatcars going west. I had speculated that the capitalists ran empty passenger trains as a front for some conspiracy to suck the soul from Galicia and transfer it, industrialised, to some secret destination.

Now I could see the industrial complex from the train. Old parts that had failed and died were interspersed with shiny new monstrosities. Occasional groups of figures gave a sense of perspective. Yet they could hardly be described as human as they seemed to have surrendered some essential facet of the human condition.

Louis Mair

August 2008